Effigies
by hColleen
Summary: Sometimes, drastic measures are needed to lay the past to rest. MM, shounen ai, mentioned NonCon, yaoi
1. Chapter 1

Yusuke had been watching the sky a lot recently. He tried to do it when people weren't watching him, but Kurama had noticed. He seemed lonely, somehow, even when surrounded by his friends. He also seemed very distant, as if he were separating himself from the rest. Yusuke's ready smile had been showing itself less and less recently and his happy brown eyes were clouded with something Kurama couldn't quite name. It wasn't sorrow, it wasn't despair, but it was close to these, something related but completely separate. So, the redhead watched until he could figure out how to approach their brunet leader.

Before he had a chance to puzzle it out, Yusuke sat next to him on the steps leading up to Genkai's temple. They were supposed to have a meeting with Botan and both had arrived early. Kurama had decided to enjoy the beauty of the early spring day. The cherry trees hadn't bloomed yet, but the promise was there. He glanced at Yusuke when he sat and looked again when he saw the pain in the brunet's eyes. "Yusuke?" he asked softly.

Yusuke rested his forearms on his legs, "What do you know about effigies, Kurama?"

"Effigies?" Kurama asked, making sure he'd heard right.

"Yeah," Yusuke murmured, looking up at the sky again.

Kurama frowned and tried to frame an answer, "They're made to resemble people, usually as pottery or burnable material, and then burned as an act of symbolism. Why?"

"Do you know anything else?" Yusuke's voice was distant, his eyes remaining on the sky.

Kurama looked up, but the sky was cloudless, a perfect bowl of blue. "In the Makai, some believe you can kill an enemy by burning an effigy."

"Is it true, Kurama?" Yusuke's voice began to return and his eyes slowly made their way to meet Kurama's green ones.

"I don't know, Yusuke," he confessed, feeling uneasy at the interest in those brown eyes. If he didn't know better, he would have said it was maniacal. "Why do you ask?"

Yusuke's eyes shut down, closing out Kurama from the boy's thoughts, "Never mind."

The sudden switch startled Kurama. He touched Yusuke's arm, "I'll help you, but I need to know why, Yusuke."

The brunet seemed to collapse in on himself, his head coming down to his forearms. "Kurama, we killed them. I killed them. Isn't that wrong?"

The redhead blinked, trying to understand what Yusuke was referring to, and then his mind flash to the tournament. They'd been home for almost four months. Had Yusuke been holding this back that long? "You mean Toguro and the rest at the tournament?" Yusuke nodded, his head barely moving against his arms. "They would have killed us if we didn't kill them," Kurama answered, his voice somewhere between soothing and heartless.

"Is that all that matters, Kurama?" Yusuke stood suddenly, pacing the steps. "Is that really the only thing that matters, that we survived? Does life really mean so little?" He paused, a disgusted look on his face as he looked at the kitsune, "What the hell am I talking to you about this for? I already know what you think!" He stormed off into the forest surrounding the temple.

Kurama sat stunned a moment. Even when they'd been enemies, Yusuke had never used such a harsh tone with him. He felt anger rising quickly, a desire to chase down the boy and make him regret speaking to him that way. Then, the part of him that Shiori had instilled, the part that made him different from the kitsune who'd sought refuge in the human embryo, rose, reminding him that Yusuke was his friend and in pain. He didn't mean what he'd said, not really. He stood and followed Yusuke into the forest. "Yusuke," he called softly, "I'm sorry. I didn't think before I spoke."

"So, the infallible Youko Kurama can apologize." Yusuke stepped around the tree he'd ducked behind when he realized Kurama was following him.

"Yes, I can apologize, and I'm not infallible, Yusuke. Nor am I truly Youko anymore." He paused. He was justifying himself and that wouldn't help Yusuke. "I am sorry, Yusuke. Can we start again?" He sat down, looking at Yusuke expectantly. The brunet reluctantly sat, his back against a tree, well out of reach of the redhead. "You wanted to know about effigies?" Yusuke's eyes were wary as he nodded. "I've never used one," Kurama continued. "I preferred to deal with my enemies more directly. Why do you want to know about them?"

Yusuke dropped his eyes, looking away. "I want to die," he whispered so softly Kurama almost missed the words. "I want to die," he repeated a little louder, "but, there's something coming, Kurama, something big and I can't just leave."

Kurama's heart was caught between pain and not caring. It hurt, the sudden lurch in his chest, and he had to struggle to breathe around it, to stay calm. "Why do you want to die, Yusuke?"

Yusuke ran his hands through his hair, fisting them in frustration, "I see them, every time I close my eyes, I see the ones we killed. I see their faces, Kurama. I…" he trailed off, turning away from the redhead and dropping his hands to his lap. "I enjoyed it, Kurama," he whispered, his eyes focused on the sky again. "There's gotta be something wrong with me. Something terribly wrong."

"And the effigy?" Kurama fought to keep his voice neutral, to not judge Yusuke.

"If…I was thinking," he paused and looked at Kurama again. "You're going to hate me."

"No, Yusuke. If I can help you, I will."

"You're not going to argue with me?" his voice incredulous.

"No, Yusuke. I'm not going to change how you feel and if I try, I'll just be proving your point that all I care about is myself."

"Hn," Yusuke smiled bitterly, "So you're here to prove me wrong?"

"No, Yusuke," Kurama wondered how many times he would say those words, "I'm here because you're in pain and I do care about you."

Yusuke's expression was bitter as he came to his hands and knees and crawled over to Kurama, invading the kitsune's personal space. Kurama leaned back but didn't move anymore than that. Yusuke kept moving until Kurama was on his back, "You care, do you?" he challenged. "What, you care so you can get your dick up my ass?"

"Yusuke, that is unfair. You're my friend."

Yusuke's hand pulled a lock of red hair away from the ground, looking at it intently a moment before returning his eyes to Kurama's, "Your friend?" Still holding the hair, he sat on Kurama's hips, "Youko Kurama doesn't have friends." He pulled the hair hard enough for Kurama to follow it up. His hand fisted at the nape of Kurama's neck, pulling his head back. "Youko Kurama doesn't care!" he spat out. His expression changed, still harsh, still full of rage, but something changed. "Does this feel familiar, Kurama?" he asked, his tone wheedling, almost singsong.

Kurama's eyes were wide, white showing around the brilliant green, "What do you mean, Yusuke?"

Yusuke threw the red hair out of his hand, causing Kurama's head to hit the ground again. Kurama whimpered involuntarily. "Are you trying to tell me you don't remember, Kurama?"

"Remember what, Yusuke?" The redhead was a little dazed.

Yusuke's eyes burned, "That night, Kurama. Don't you remember?"

Kurama struggled to remember anything he'd done that would have made Yusuke so angry and came up blank. That blankness led him to think of other times he couldn't quite remember. When he was Youko, he only knew what his alter ego told him. "What did Youko do, Yusuke?" he finally asked softly.

"What did Youko do, Yusuke?" the brunet mocked. At Kurama's continued expression of confusion, he relented, though his voice held disbelief, "You don't know?"

"No," he said softly, "I only know what he chose to share with me, Yusuke. When he appeared, I wasn't aware of what he was doing."

"He knew everything about you," the brunet stated flatly, his hands coming to rest on the ground next to the redhead's shoulders. "He knew every fucking thing about you."

All remaining color drained from Kurama's face. "Yusuke," he began only to be cut off.

"Is it true, Kurama?"

"Is what true, Yusuke?" Yusuke pushed off Kurama and walked away, leaning against a tree and looking at the sky again. Cautiously, Kurama sat up but didn't move any farther. "Yusuke, he didn't tell me anything about you. What happened?" He was beginning to feel panicky.

Yusuke's voice was as distant as his eyes, "I want to burn two effigies, Kurama."

"Two?" his voice was tight.

Yusuke's eyes remained on the sky, "Kurama, do you really not know what he said, what he did?"

"No, I really don't know, Yusuke. Please, if he…if I hurt you…" Kurama stretched his hand out to Yusuke in supplication.

"He said you love me." Yusuke's eyes came back to the redhead, "He laughed when he said it. He said you loved me," Yusuke's voice broke and he fell next to the tree, his knees to his chest. "He said you loved me and that's why he had to do it." His arms wrapped around his knees, "He said you loved too many and he had to do it. He had to make me hate you."

Kurama's hand began to shake. "Yusuke?" his voice shook so badly he barely got the name out.

Yusuke's eyes met Kurama's eyes and both were full of pain, "Is it true, Kurama? Do you love me?"

"I do," the confession was barely a whisper.

Yusuke crawled over to Kurama and looked deeply into his green eyes, "He raped me, Kurama. Did he tell you that?"

Kurama winced but maintained eye contact, "No, he didn't tell me. He didn't even tell me that he'd seen you."

"He was pissed, Kurama. He was angry, angrier than he was with Karasu or Uraurashima. Why was he angry with me?" Yusuke's eyes pleaded with Kurama for reason, for comfort.

Very slowly, Kurama reached out to touch Yusuke's cheek, "I think…I think because he recognized you as stronger than he is. And, that he couldn't kill you without compromising his own existence."

"Is he really that separate from you?"

Kurama looked down and though about the answer, his hand going to his lap. He brought his eyes up and answered Yusuke as fully as he could, "Before, I thought we were the same, that I was he and he was me. But, the fruit of past life made it very obvious how much I have changed. I am not the same kitsune who sought refuge in the Ningenkai almost eighteen years ago. I have changed a lot, Yusuke. He hates that. He hates what he sees as the ningen weaknesses I've taken on. He hates that I now have a conscious."

"It didn't bother you to kill at the tournament, though," Yusuke countered.

"I went there knowing I had to be willing to kill, Yusuke. They would kill me without blinking. And when my mother was threatened, that justified anything in my mind."

"I want to burn an effigy of him," Yusuke stated flatly, a challenge in his voice.

"I will help you," Kurama returned, meeting Yusuke's challenge.

"You would kill him?"

"Yes, I would kill him. He hurt something very precious to me. He crossed the line, Yusuke. I will help you, if you will allow me to." Kurama's voice was very soft, but full of conviction. His hand trembled when he brought it up to touch Yusuke's face.

Yusuke held Kurama's hand to his cheek, "He spoke as if you two were separate. I wanted to believe it, Kurama."

"That's why…"

"He told me you loved me, Kurama," Yusuke interrupted. "That part felt good."

"I do love you, Yusuke."

Yusuke managed a watery smile, "I like how it sounds from your lips much better. I tried to forget what he did. It was easier after your fight with Karasu, when you apologized for not beating him in the time limit. When you did that, I forgot long enough to finish the tournament. But, between nightmares about killing and what he did, I haven't been sleeping well, Kurama."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier, Yusuke?"

The brunet released his hand and sat back on his heels, "I thought I had time to work it out on my own, but I have a bad feeling that something's coming. It's been quiet too long and I need to be able to trust you and me again."

"Then, shall we get started?" Kurama had been feeling the same unease.

Yusuke took a deep breath, "Yeah, but one more thing. I want you to make mine and I'll make his."

Kurama winced. The maker of the effigy was the one who wished death on the image they were making. "I…" he began, to be cut off again.

"I know you don't wish me dead, but he does, Kurama." He stood and Kurama followed, his expression uncertain.

"I will because you ask, Yusuke."

Yusuke stepped close enough that their chests were almost touching, "If I had a little longer, I could do this without the effigies." He tipped his head a little, bringing his lips within a breath of Kurama's, "But, I can't quite without him crawling up in my memory, mocking your feelings." He stepped back, giving the redhead a moment to recover.

Kurama was trembling head to foot, "You don't have to do this for me, Yusuke."

"I know. I want to do it for us, Kurama. I need you to get his feelings out of you." Brown eyes pled, "I wouldn't ask if it weren't important, Kurama."

"I know, Yusuke. I told you I would do it."

"You'll let his feelings out?" Yusuke rubbed his hands along his jeans in a nervous gesture.

Kurama swallowed thickly, "Yes."

Yusuke turned and walked away without further words. Kurama followed, matching his pace, not closing the distance between them. They reached a clearing that had been set up for a bon fire. A large pile of wood stood in the middle of the nearly bare earth, a pile of straw and two roughly human shaped figures off to one side. Next to the pile of straw were what looked like clothes and fabric and the makings for papier-mâché. "You're prepared," Kurama remarked, following Yusuke to the straw figures.

"I have to do this, Kurama. I don't see another way. I was hoping you'd help."

Kurama walked up behind Yusuke and hesitantly reached to touch him, "Let's get started, then."

Yusuke nodded and picked up one of the straw dummies, gathered the white material and moved to the other side of the papier-mâché materials. He began dressing the figure in a crude representation of Youko's clothes. Kurama watched a moment before moving to the remaining figure. The clothes were Yusuke's, jeans, a tee. Carefully, Kurama dressed the figure, pain rising in his chest along with bitterness. As he struggled to get the shirt on, Yusuke mixed the paste and paper into a thick pulp and divided it between two bowls. One bowl was set by Kurama's knee and the redhead nodded. Yusuke returned to his figure and began working on the face, adding papier-mâché to the straw and building up the features.

Kurama couldn't watch him work. His own hands wanted to shake. He wanted to stop, to try and convince Yusuke this wasn't needed, but he understood the brunet's reasoning. They needed to rely on each other. Their lives depended on it. With a sigh, he reached for that part of himself he'd been trying to ignore since the tournament.

_So, you've called for me?_ Youko's voice was condescending.

_You raped him,_ the accusation was vicious.

_He still doesn't hate you, so what do you care?_ The words were snide, the tone uncaring.

_I am going to help him. You are going to help. You hate him, and that is going into this figure._ Kurama began drawing Youko up, bringing his feelings to the surface of his mind. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead.

_You're not strong enough to manifest me, Minamino Shuichi._ Youko fought against the pull bringing him to the forefront of the redhead's mind.

Kurama's hands worked quickly while his mind struggled to keep Youko's feelings about Yusuke active in his mind. If his alter managed to slip away, the effigy wouldn't be everything Yusuke wanted it to be.

_He wants you to kill him? Oh, how preciously human_ Youko sneered.

Kurama watched his hands try to transform, try to lengthen into Youko's hands. Youko wasn't strong enough yet to take over his body. Neither of them was strong enough to over take the other, but Kurama was determined to defeat his past. While the struggle continued in his mind, Yusuke's face formed under his hands.

_He is handsome, you know_ Youko conceded when they finished the figure.

_And you're never touching him again!_ Kurama growled and pulled his hands away from the effigy as he felt Youko want to destroy it. He ended up on his back, having thrown himself that hard away from the figure.

"Kurama?" Yusuke's voice was puzzled.

"Youko wanted to destroy it," the redhead panted. "I got him to help me make it and he wanted to destroy it."

Yusuke paused, and then asked, "You in control again?"

Kurama stared at the sky, midmorning when they started, now late afternoon. "Yes, I'm in control again. He's still mad, though."

"Okay," Yusuke replied, "let's get them over there, then." He picked up the figure that now resembled a very crude Youko, the grey papier-mâché looking ghastly, though the intent was clear. He laid it, almost gently, almost harshly, on the pile of wood and looked at Kurama.

Shaking, Kurama pushed to his feet. Youko wanted out now that he'd seen Yusuke's effigy. He was pissed with the redhead for keeping that away from him. He wanted out to punish Yusuke, to punish Kurama. Kurama fought him, struggled to keep him suppressed while he carried the effigy of Yusuke to the woodpile. He managed to lay it down before he feel to his knees, arms wrapped around himself, as the battle in his mind raged. "Start the fire, Yusuke!" he gasped out.

_You want me dead, too!_ Youko raged, fought, ripped at the redhead's mind, showing him everything he'd done to Yusuke. Kurama closed his eyes as his chest tightened, forcing him to breathe in gasping hitches. He rocked, fell to his side as the fire caught. He saw Yusuke's face, full of pain, covered in bruises while Youko drove into him viciously. There was nothing resembling tenderness or gentleness in the touches, but Youko kept saying, "He loves you, Yusuke. Kurama loves you and that is why this is happening!" He heard every word, saw every expression on Yusuke's face, felt everything Youko had. He felt Youko fighting to get out, to stop the fire. He felt his ki trying to reach out, to do something to make the fire stop. Kurama fought with everything he had, writhing on the ground, pain contorting his face as Youko fought to live.

At some point, Kurama must have passed out. The next thing he was aware of was darkness broken by orange flickers. He opened his eyes. The fire had burned down to the size of a camp fire and his head was in Yusuke's lap. He looked at the brunet, but the light was too uncertain for him to read the brown eyes. "Yusuke?" he asked softly.

"You kept flickering between your two forms, Kurama. He would scream at me, and you'd shake, I could see the pain in your face. You told me to stay out of reach. Just before the effigy of him was completely burned, he showed up and demanded to know if I was happy that I'd killed him. I said I was because it would free you. He said you were happy he was going, too." The lilt of Yusuke's voice made the statement a question.

"I am glad. He…he showed me what he did to you, Yusuke." Kurama's voice broke, "I'm so sorry." Sobs tore their way out of his throat, raw noises reflecting the depth of his pain.

Yusuke pulled Kurama up, cradling the redhead in his arms, nuzzling him to his chest, rocking him, letting tears fall without a word between them. After a long time, Kurama became aware of Yusuke's tears wetting his shoulder. Slowly, both of their tears stopped and they pulled back from their convulsive grips, though they still held each other. "I haven't cried once since…" Yusuke let the words trail off.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am, Yusuke." Kurama let his head hang, turning it to the side, "It's so much more than I deserve that you…"

"Shut up, Kurama," Yusuke's voice was soft as he lifted the redhead's chin and kissed him. There was forgiveness in his lips, comfort, firm pressure, but nothing hinting at anything more carnal. He pulled back, "Do you understand?"

Kurama looked into Yusuke's eyes, the light now hitting them well enough that he could see them. They were reddish in the light, but within them was a calm that Kurama had never seen in them before. Yusuke had come to terms with himself. Also shown by the flickering light was a tentative beginning. "I understand, Yusuke. I love you." A sad smile curved Yusuke's lips and before he could speak, Kurama continued, "I know you can't say it yet, but you can accept it. That's enough." He returned Yusuke's kiss and then wrapped his arms around the boy, "You don't ever have to say it, Yusuke. I'll be here for you."

Yusuke squeezed Kurama to his chest, "I know. We should get going. Your mother will worry if you're out too late." He pulled back, a half smile on his lips.

"The meeting?" Kurama asked, finally remembering why they both had been there in the first place.

"We had it, Kurama. I asked you to come here. I'm sorry I lied to you, but I needed you here. I thought you'd try and talk me out of it if I told you what I wanted." He thought for a moment while Kurama absorbed his words. He was right, the redhead conceded but before he could agree, Yusuke continued, his expression worried, "Can you still use your ki?"

Kurama frowned a moment, "I can still sense the plants." His hand went to his hair and he withdrew his rose. With a flick of his wrist, the long whip manifested, and, with another flick, disappeared. The rose was returned to his hair and he smiled, "It seems so."

"Good. I'm glad," Yusuke's face was a mask of relief. "I didn't really think about it until just now, but if your powers had been completely tied to Youko…"

"I still would have done this with you, Yusuke. What he did was unforgivable." Green eyes were hard as emeralds when he spoke.

Yusuke hugged the redhead, "C'mon. Let's head out." He stood and offered his hand to Kurama, pulling the redhead up when he took his hand. Yusuke continued to hold Kurama's hand as they walked back to the stairs. Silently, they walked, hand in hand, down the stairs.

At the bottom, Yusuke released Kurama's hand so they could walk the separate directions to their homes. "I'll see you later, Kurama."

The redhead smiled, "Yes. See you, Yusuke." He was about to leave when Yusuke grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug. He was a bit dazed when he was suddenly released and Yusuke was halfway down the block. "Where is this going?" he mused as he walked slowly to his home.

A/N This is being posted in my livejournal. I'm actually almost finished. Working on the last chapter. I don't know why effigies, but it somehow works. This is nearly cannon, though I'm not completely sure on the timing between the Ankoku Bujutsukai and the Sensui/Chapter Black Saga. I've been told I may be taking a few liberties there, but I'm still calling this cannon. :D Author's perogative. Enjoy and leave cookies. Cookies are yummy ;)


	2. Chapter 2

It was almost a week later and they had just had a meeting with Genkai and Botan. Kuwabara was there, but Hiei was conspicuous by his absence. Not that he really missed much. There were vague rumblings of something happening, but nothing concrete. Kurama took a deep breath as he began down the stairs. The cherry trees were in blossom and the scent calmed him. He heard Yusuke walking up behind him and smiled but didn't turn around. The brunet laid a hand on his shoulder as he stepped behind the redhead. Kurama covered his hand lightly and Yusuke spoke softly, "I wish they'd actually tell us what was happening, Kurama. I hate this waiting shit."

"I agree. It's frustrating. By the time they'll tell us anything, it may be too late."

Yusuke let his arm slide down Kurama's body until it rested at his waist. "Can we go for a walk?" he asked almost timidly.

Kurama nodded, leaning slightly into Yusuke. "I'd like that."

Yusuke guided them slowly through the forest, looking at the sakura and pointing out particularly large blossoms to Kurama. The redhead would gently stroke those flowers until they almost seemed to glow. He picked up several fallen blossoms from under a very large tree and set them dancing around Yusuke and himself. Yusuke constantly touched Kurama, either with his body, standing so close that they could feel each other breathe, with his fingers brushing against the redhead's arm to get his attention, or with his arm, holding Kurama as his eyes watched the cherry blossoms dance on the kitsune's ki.

Twilight found them at the edge of the clearing where they'd burned effigies. Both of them stopped, surveying the area. Nature had done what she could to hide the evidence. A soft carpet of pale green grass was beginning to fill in the bared earth, reclaiming the ground that had been under the fire. Yusuke stepped away from Kurama, leaving him for the first time that evening and the redhead was surprised at how bereft he felt without the brunet at his side.

Crouching at the edge of the blackened ground, Yusuke mused, "It's true, isn't it?" He looked over his shoulder at Kurama and gestured the kitsune over.

"What's true, Yusuke?" the redhead asked as he crossed the clearing.

"That time heals all things," Yusuke replied standing and facing Kurama.

Green eyes took in the blackened ground with its gauzy covering of pale green. By the time all the sakura dropped, there would be nothing left visible of their sacrifice. Kurama looked into Yusuke's eyes, "It seems that way."

Yusuke wrapped his arms around Kurama and leaned his head against the redhead's shoulder. Kurama's arms wrapped around the brunet and they held each other silently until full dark.

With a sigh, Yusuke pulled back. "Thank you for walking with me, Kurama."

"It was my pleasure, Yusuke."

"I…I…I like you a lot."

Kurama's heart jolted in his chest. He held himself still a moment until he was sure he wouldn't shake and reached for Yusuke's face. "Thank you. That means more to me than you could know," he whispered.

Yusuke brushed his lips against Kurama's, "I think I could know." Very lightly, he continued to explore the redhead's lips with his own, tracing the contour of the full lower lip, sampling the bow-shaped upper lip, before pressing their mouths more firmly together.

Kurama trembled in Yusuke's arms, holding himself back and letting the brunet explore. His heart pounded wildly in his chest, begging for freedom, while his mind reeled. Every nerve in his body was alive and concentrated in his lips, feeling Yusuke slowly mark each centimeter of flesh. Never before had he felt so wanted. Never before had he been so scared. He struggled with himself to match Yusuke's advances, to allow him to lead. Everything within him screamed for him to show Yusuke exactly how much he was wanted, but he knew that would be exactly the wrong thing to do. Yusuke's hand slid into his hair, caressing the skin at the nape of his neck and he felt his control shaking violently, threatening to burst. He stepped back, "Yusuke, I don't want to hurt you. If we keep going, I'm going to lose control. I don't want that." His chest heaved as he struggled to breathe, seeking out Yusuke's eyes in the uncertain light of the waxing moon.

"You love me?" Yusuke asked, his eyes shadowed.

"Yes, very much. I don't want to hurt you."

"Are you okay to walk me home?" Yusuke tipped his head so the moonlight shone in his eyes, showing Kurama uncertainty and hope.

"Yeah. Give me a minute." Kurama ran his hands through his hair, taking a couple of shaky breaths as Yusuke watched. He shook his hair back and felt in control again. "Okay."

"Is it okay to hold your hand?" Yusuke asked, his voice soft.

"Yeah," Kurama smiled softly and offered his hand to Yusuke. The brunet took it, lacing his pinky finger between Kurama's fingers. Silently, they walked back to the stairs leading to Genkai's temple.

Just before they left the cover of the trees, Yusuke stopped, "I want…Is it okay if I kiss you again?"

"Yes. I want you to set the pace, Yusuke. You decide how far we go."

"And you'll warn me if I'm pushing too hard for you?" Yusuke asked as he slipped his arms around Kurama's waist.

"Yes," Kurama whispered as Yusuke's lips brushed against his lightly and then pressed more firmly. While still lacking something that would have made it carnal, the kiss was pleasant and made Kurama feel warm through his body. "I love you," he whispered when his lips were freed again.

"Good. It'd be stupid to do that to you if you didn't." Yusuke took Kurama's hand again and they walked down the stairs. "How has your week been, Kurama?"

"Pretty busy. But, it's odd, I don't hear Youko anymore and I don't really miss him, either. It's not really that he's gone, but…"

"Like he's been put to rest?" Yusuke asked, picking up when Kurama's voice trailed off.

"That's a good way to put it, Yusuke," Kurama smiled warmly at the brunet. He thought and nodded, "Yes, like he's been put to rest. Almost like I've been able to reconcile my past to my present. How has your week been?"

"Kinda the same. I feel more…I dunno…at peace with myself. Like I don't have to prove anything to myself anymore and I don't care what other people think."

They walked in silence a while before Kurama spoke again, "Yusuke, I can't ask your forgiveness for what Youko…what I did to you."

"It was Youko, Kurama. It was who you were, your past. And when you helped me with the effigies that was all I needed to know that you wouldn't do anything like that to me. Tonight showed me, too." Yusuke stopped and turned the redhead to look him in the eye, "I have forgiven you, Kurama. I want you to forgive yourself, too."

People flowed around them, rushing around in the dark under the artificial lights of the streetlamps, but none of that mattered to Kurama. He stepped closer to Yusuke and wrapped his arms around the brunet, hugging him tightly to his chest. "Thank you," he whispered, his throat tight, tears threatening to leave his eyes.

Yusuke's arms went around Kurama, returning the hug. He pulled back slightly, "C'mon, I know you have homework to do."

Kurama smiled a little, the expression broadening when Yusuke took his hand again. "You truly are amazing, Yusuke."

"Don't let that get out," he teased back, "they'll expect me to save the world again."

"If it's any comfort, I'll be at your side."

Yusuke's eyes were dark, even under the false illumination, "That is more comfort than you could know." His hand squeezed Kurama's and Kurama returned the pressure. With a smile, he turned and began walking again.

The next time either of them spoke was at the bottom of the stairs leading to Yusuke's apartment, "Do you wanna come up?"

Kurama shook his head, "Not tonight, I think."

Yusuke smiled, "Is it okay if we kiss again?"

Kurama smiled and stepped closer to Yusuke, "I'd like that."

"Good," Yusuke murmured as his hand slid along Kurama's cheek, bringing the redhead's lips closer to his. Very gently, he pressed his lips against Kurama's, reexploring while Kurama's hands slowly slid up his back.

Kurama's body hummed with energy, increasing to a frantic pitch when he felt Yusuke's tongue brush against his lips. He pulled back slightly, remaining in Yusuke's hold but breaking their kiss, "I love you, Yusuke, but if you keep that up, I'm going to lose it."

"Would you like to, Kurama?" the brunet asked, his voice husky.

Kurama's head buzzed, "Would I like to what, Yusuke?"

"Have sex with me?"

"No, Yusuke. I want to love you, to make love to you. I'm not going to do that until we're both ready."

Yusuke's head tipped to the side, "What's the difference?"

Kurama pulled back out of Yusuke's hold, "I'm not sure I can explain, Yusuke. I want it to mean something between us, to be…vital. I don't want us to just fuck because our hormones are running rampant." He had other objections, but he wasn't ready to voice them out loud yet. "I don't want you to hate me afterwards, Yusuke."

The brunet nodded, a half smile on his lips, "I think…I think I can understand, Kurama." He held out his hand, palm up, to the redhead. When Kurama placed his hand in it, Yusuke said, "Can I see you tomorrow?"

"I'd like that, Yusuke." Kurama couldn't help but smile as Yusuke brought his hand up and kissed the back of it.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," Yusuke smiled and walked up the stairs, turning on the landing to look at Kurama again, "after school, at the temple. I like walking through the forest with you."

Kurama nodded, "I like being with you." Waving, he turned to leave.

As he walked, Kurama found his fingers tracing his lips repeatedly, a small smile tugging at their corners. He wanted to laugh. He wanted the world to know he was in love. His body felt warm even in the cool spring night.

"Welcome home, Shuichi," his mother greeted him when he arrived home.

He smiled at her, his eyes glowing, "Good evening, Mother. Sorry I'm late."

Shiori smiled, "It looks like you had a good day. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were in love."

Kurama wrapped his arms around her, "Your son is very happy and, yes, he is in love."

Shirori held Kurama, "Is he loved in return?"

"Almost, almost. He is liked very much in return."

"Can he eat?" she teased, letting Kurama go and leading him to the kitchen table.

The redhead sighed and smiled, "Such a mundane activity. I suppose I could."

After they sat, Shiori began, "I was wondering what happed. This past week, you've seemed happier than you've been since you returned from your trip. It's almost like you've come to terms with something that you were fighting yourself on, Shuichi."

Kurama paused, surprised at his mother's comments. He'd been trying to act the same around her. "I didn't realize you noticed," he said.

Shiori smiled mysteriously, "I'm your mother, Shuichi. Shall I tell you what else I know?"

"I wonder if I should be afraid," he replied, actually feeling nervousness fluttering in his stomach.

"I know that whoever you love is unlikely to be a girl, and that whoever you love will have your loyalty forever."

Kurama's jaw dropped and he began stammering, "How…wha…Mother?"

"I've seen the way you treat the girls you're around, Shuichi, and I've seen the way you treat the boys, as well. You're always polite to the girls, but you keep them at a distance, you don't let any of them close. In fact, I would say that you love that boy you brought to the hospital to visit me. What was his name? Yusuke? He's been around a couple times since and I see how you treat him."

Kurama couldn't have been more surprised if she told him she knew he was a kitsune. "Mother, you simply are amazing."

"I just try and keep up with my son," she smiled at him. "So, what did you do this afternoon?"

"We walked through the forest by Master Genkai's temple."

"The sakura are lovely this year."

"Yes. When are you going with Hatakana?" Kurama teased.

"Tomorrow he and I are going to the park."

"I'm glad. He seems good for you."

"I'm glad I have your approval. You have mine, too."

"You…you don't care that I love another boy?"

Shiori covered Kurama's hand with her own. "I've had a while to get used to the idea. I said I'd been watching you. I would much rather you be happy and in love than miserable. Or worse, lonely because you're trying to fulfill my needs when you could be happy and loved."

Kurama stood and moved around the table to kneel by his mother and wrapped her in a tight hug, "I love you so much, Mother."

Shiori kissed the top of her son's head, "Invite him for dinner some time."

"I will, Mother. Thank you." He rose to his feet and cleared his place. "I'm going to work on my homework, Mother."

"Good night, don't work too hard."

Kurama's homework received less attention than normal, his attention divided between his time with Yusuke and his conversation with his mother. He finally was able to fully admit to himself why he didn't take Yusuke up on his offer. Yes, what he told the brunet was true. He didn't want just sex, he wanted so much more. He could have made it so much more, but Yusuke's kisses told him the brunet was still uncertain, still dealing with his memories. There was a hesitancy, which he understood and wasn't going to push against. Kurama also knew that each time he stopped them actually reduced the degree of hesitation Yusuke felt, rebuilt the trust Youko had nearly destroyed between the two. He sighed. It would be a slow road, but it was the only way it could be between them. He was sure it would be more than worth it when they finally arrived.

A/N: I've had the worst time uploading this chapter. This is actually my third attempt...or is it more? Can't remember. Anyways. Here it is...Enjoy...or something like that.


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